Our Rainbow Baby..

Through a lot of restless nights lately, my heart and my mind keep urging me to share some of our story... to fill in the blanks of my massive blogging hiatus... and hopefully to help someone out there struggling with the very same things.

Seven years ago... seems like forever now, but at that time we were only about 6 months into our marriage when we found out that we were expecting our first baby. It almost seemed too easy... Little did we know how much our lives would change and be blessed by our little one who is now six-years old, in Kindergarten, and the absolute biggest joy in our lives. A couple of years after Colton was born, momma started getting the itch to have a second baby and after some convincing that our kiddo needed a partner in crime, we started trying again. It wasn't so easy this time... life gets in the way... Casey and I both were in the midst of big life changes... He wanted out of the fire department and had started going back to school to finish his degree. I was knee deep in learning what it took to be a head coach and had interviewed a couple of times for new positions after being super comfortable at my home school of Poteet. Needless to say, months came and went... no sign of new babies in our lives. Pretty soon after that, we started attending a new church (after 25ish years at one we practically grew up in together) and attended a service in which the speaker talked one Sunday specifically about adoption. We talked and prayed individually about if that was something that would be for us. We even looked into a few different agencies and I talked with a friend of mine who had adopted twice. Again, nothing really amounted to that but the thoughts/prayers were there in the back of our minds. So at this point, its sometime in the Spring of 2012.. I got my first head coaching job at another high school in Mesquite and left the comforts of the only "home" I had ever known. My first year (2012-2013) was rough, but I learned a lot and had started building a program that I could be proud of, and had an amazing group of girls coming back the following year. The second year started out much easier, as I knew what to expect and how to handle situations better than I had previously. Right after school began, we even found out that after four years of trying, we would be expecting baby #2 in March or April of 2014. We literally told no one though... I really still can't explain why, but I made Casey promise to wait until we were further along. Late in September, however, we learned that a newer couple in our Community Group would be delivering their first baby at 30 weeks stillborn. September 25, 2013 I attended a funeral that had the smallest casket I had ever seen and was heartbroken for this family. I went back to work that afternoon feeling extremely uneasy and felt as if something else was very wrong. I called my doctor late that afternoon and she scheduled an appointment for me the next day. By then I had started bleeding and was in the process of losing our precious one at only 8 weeks. Shortly after arriving and starting a sonogram, my fears were confirmed. I held it together somehow as we sat in the waiting room to see what the next steps would be. "Miscarriages are fairly common", I was told. "You can try again", they explained. "We are so sorry for your loss", they said. The emotional pain I experienced that day was almost unbearable. I barely remember the drive back home from the doctor, but I do know that somewhere along the way I lost it... completely... big crocodile tears that wouldn't stop flowing. I could not make sense of why or how my body had not been able to do what it had already done before. By mid-afternoon, we were back at home sitting on the couch in a silence only broken by my sobbing. "We will try again if you want, when you are ready," my husband said gently. He tried so hard to remind me of the absolutely beautiful child we already had and said that this was the best opportunity to focus on the blessing that we already had in our lives. I, however, was broken. My heart... my soul... my will-power... For whatever reason I remember insisting that I go back to work for practice that day. I will admit that my job became a great wall for me to hide behind. I buried myself in my job over the next few months and never truly dealt with the consequences of that. I refused to talk to or tell anyone about the experience at all and somehow convinced my husband to honor that wish of mine. My family... my friends... they had no idea. I struggled... I still do. That one experience led to other areas of my life being affected and pretty soon I was destroying my marriage and my family. It's truly only by the grace of God that we came out on the other side of such a dark time in our lives.. I did not handle it well then and I know now, looking back, that it was solely because I tried to do it "my way" and that never works out. We would try again... and again... and again... before we (I) truly gave the situation over to God. I think I could probably say this is true for both my husband and myself, but I know that I dove headfirst into prayer about what was next for us and where He would take us on this journey. After several frustrating months and many tearful conversations in prayer, the next step was to visit with a specialist that my OB-GYN referred me to. Dr. Karen Lee was a God-send and immediately put me at ease with conversations about where she wanted us to go from there. After a few simple tests, she found nothing significant and together we came up with a plan that allowed us to not have to dive so deep into fertility treatments just yet. At home, Casey and I had decided that this was, in fact, the best course of action for us and if it was not in God's plan, we would start considering the options of adoption that had once been placed in our hearts and minds. Of course, I was skeptical at first because this lady barely knew me or my body.. but she did know her craft. [I would never say that she created our miracle for us, but I will say that God gave her the abilities she has to assist us with a struggle that so many around the world have]. Needless to say, this past August, on the Friday before students started back to school, she told me that was the day to take a test to see if we were pregnant... Being the skeptic still, I think I piddled around as much as possible after I took that test just so I wouldn't have to face disappointment of any kind... But God is a funny, funny God... and boy is He faithful... that test was positive and our journey to have this baby girl had begun. I won't lie to anyone and say that I didn't have my doubts or that I still don't pose those hypothetical what ifs to myself.. I do... but then I remind myself that Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart." It's been a rough road and we aren't to the end yet... but He provides and He is faithful. So as we near the end of the pregnancy journey, another will begin with such a different meaning.. We experienced life with Colton like we had never known before, we experienced loss with a baby that is now resting in the arms of his/her heavenly Father, and now a new life will be brought into the world as our Rainbow Baby. If you don't know what that means or why this post was titled that in the first place, check this out! Somewhere along the way, during my personal healing process, I knew I needed to connect in some way to others who had experienced the same thing. I found the Rainbow Baby movement and knew that our sweet, little Avery Grace would be ours. The gist is that a rainbow baby is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a dark storm and gives us hope for a brighter tomorrow. Storms are scary... they can rock you to the core.. they can create unimaginable pain and suffering... but they don't last. When they do end, a beautiful rainbow reminding us of God's greatest promises will be waiting. He is Good. He Provides. He. Is. Faithful.

Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you Avery Grace. You are our rainbow baby and we have been praying for you...

A-Z: About me!

A. Age: 27
B. Bed size: King
C. Chore that you hate: Folding Laundry
D. Dogs: 2 - Maddie (Mini Dachshound) and Staten (Golden Retriever mix)
E. Essential start to your day: STARBUCKS Caramel Macchiato
F. Favorite color: Blue
G. Gold or Silver: Silver
H. Height: 5'6"
I. Instruments you play: Piano
J. Job title: High School Math Teacher & Volleyball/Track Coach
K. Kids: one - Colton (turns 2 next month!)
L. Live: Mesquite, Texas
M. Mother’s name: Cyndi
N. Nicknames: Ash, Coach Boots - this one is from my athletes... LOL
O. Overnight hospital stays: when I had my little boy :)
P. Pet peeves: inconsiderate people
Q. Quote from a movie: "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me." The Notebook
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: Little Sister - Mackenzie
T. Time you wake up: 6:15
U. Underwear: every day LOL
V. Vegetable you hate: Peas - the smell is SO GROSS
W. What makes you run late: not getting out of bed when my alarm goes off
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Back (after a very dumb rookie cop totalled my car)
Y. Yummy food that you make: Super Easy Apple/Peach Cobbler (thanks Ashley), Cinnamon Cheesecake, Key Lime Pie
Z. Zoo animal: elephants :)

Song-filled Sundays

Today we told our home church of 20+ years that next week would be our last week... My mom cried... My MIL cried... and I'm sure my dad and FIL felt a little sadness as well. And although I am sad to say goodbye, I am extremely pumped to see what God has in store for us. Next Sunday marks Casey's two year anniversary as the interim music minister and with that - it also marks the end of our membership at RBC. That church has been home since I can remember... for both of us - without it, I might not be married to the man I am today. We've been through a lot together, but for Casey and I the ride stops in 7 days. Our pastor used a verse this morning that said this - "where your treasure is, your heart will be also" and HOW TRUE is that. My treasure - my family, friends, comfort has been in RBC for so long and I know my heart will remain there for a long while. I am looking forward to our future, wherever that might be, but like I have said so many times before - goodbyes are never easy. SO, if you are the praying kind, keep my hubby and me in mind this week (and the weeks to come). To all of our friends at RBC, we love you and we appreciate the support you guys have given us growing up, in our marriage, and now with our own family.

And now, so I can leave you on a happy note...

My son truly takes after us, don't you think?? He has music in his SOUL!

goodbyes still aren't easy the 3rd time around...

my blogging hiatus ends TODAY!! sorry for the long-time no post era... but it's over I promise!

Today, tonight actually, this little stinker -

helped his Aunt ZZ pack up her things to head back to Arkansas. He did not want them to take the U-haul away and had a blast pretending to drive the big truck!

So to my sister... my best friend -

I know this summer might not have been what you had expected or even what you had hoped, but God knew exactly what you needed and every single millisecond was planned many years ago. Get back to Arkansas and continue to finish what you started there... don't let anyone tell you can't do something - because you can. Dream big - bigger than you ever imagined before. Think with your head, but let your heart lead - it is truly the size of Texas and it was made that way for a reason.

instagr.am

instagr.am

Day 3 - First Love

Well my first love has to be Dr. Pepper... I mean I hardly ever go a day without having one... Kidding... kinda :)

But seriously....

This post might be a difficult one for me... but here it goes.

Strangely enough, I was thinking about this very topic a couple of nights ago while I listened to the speaker at our church's Disciple Now. He started by asking the students if they thought they knew what love meant and several of them raised their hands. From there, he didn't try to tell them that they were wrong or they really didn't know what love was, he simply said that our idea of love changes over time. When we are young, love is for our parents, siblings, and other members of our family. It's also used to describe how we feel about ice cream, pizza, swimming, and presents. Love is just a feeling that we are taught to use for things that we enjoy. Then a few years later, we discover the opposite sex and we might have a few "serious" relationships and our view of love changes again. We think that love is about kisses, hugs, love notes, late night phone-calls (I guess texts would be more correct theses days), and prom dates. I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't fall into this very category in high school and even college. I dated a guy for almost three years that I thought I would "love" him forever. I won't ever deny that I cared for him on a deeper level than my other friends, but neither one of us really knew what love was truly about. [I can say that without reservation since both of us are very happily married these days.] Anyway, college was about the same for me... I wasn't the dating type and I only got into a relationship that I could see myself in for the long run. There was a time right after college where I hit, what I thought to be, rock-bottom in relationship world. I remember telling my mom that I was tired of being alone and that the true desire of my heart was to be married and eventually have children. Her response? If that was the true desire of my heart, then I needed to pray about it. Me, being the most incredibly impatient person that I am, did NOT like this response because I was already tired of waiting... so why should I wait some more. I didn't want to be an older bride, and eventually an older mom. But, low and behold, the dream I had was too small for the man upstairs... His plan was already in effect and within a week, I was re-united with the guy that I would soon call my husband. I can't say that from that day on it was candy and roses because it definitely was not. He and I were what I like to call "damaged goods." We had trust issues because we had both been burned before and that took a toll on us for a long time. BUT, when you wake up one day and you absolutely cannot imagine your life without that person.... That is love. When you find someone who is honest with you about even your worst attributes and you still can't imagine life without them... That is love. When you bring a new life into the world together and it turns your world upside down, but you still can't imagine life with anyone else... That is LOVE. There are many things that I love about my husband, but the one thing, above all else, that I love is that he teaches me daily how to love more than already know how. So for that, I believe, that Casey is my first TRUE love.

Casey Deree Pruitt, I love with with my whole heart and I can't imagine my life without you. Thank you for putting up with me every day and loving me back.

Day 2 - Meaning of your blog name

Truth be told, there is no hidden meaning behind my blog's name. I'm a working mom, like many others, and as much as I love my little boy, I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course there are days where I miss my family and I wish for nothing more than to be home with them. BUT - I love what I do and I wouldn't give it up. I fully believe that teaching is the MOST important job in the world. We shape the minds of the future... kids will become doctors, lawyers, presidents, other teachers, etc because of their own teachers along the way. You can't have all of those other careers without first being taught. I also love being able to provide a safe environment for my kids at school because for so many of them, that is the ONLY safe place they have to go. All that to say, I love my job and I love my son...It's just about balance between the two. Some days are harder than others, but when it comes down to it, God isn't going to give me more than I can handle, right?

30-day Blogging Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: introduce, recent picture, and 15 interesting facts

My name is Ashley Pruitt, formerly Ashley Johnson. I am 26 years old and I am married to a guy that I have known my entire life as the older brother of my childhood best friend. After a crazy dating experience, we decided to get hitched on the 4th of July in 2008 and then had our first child, Colton on October 22, 2009. I love my job as a teacher and coach at Poteet High School, where I graduated from, but I would be lying if I said every day was full of smiles and giggles. Teaching is hard... Coaching is time-consuming... But I wouldn't change my career for anything else in the world. I have a family at home, but I also have an amazing family at work. After Casey and I got married and then pregnant shortly after, we decided that we needed to upgrade to a house. After several weeks/months of looking, we decided to settle down in Mesquite, somewhere in between both of our parents (for easy babysitting access of course!). So we are very blessed to have a home, 2 great jobs, 2 incredible families, 2 dogs, and one very special little boy!

Facts:

1. I love Dr. Pepper

2. I love Caramel Macchiatos from Starbucks

3. I love Sweet Tea... like rot your teeth sweet.

4. I start every morning with one of the above (even my students know this)

5. I have a healthy addiction to the Food Network and would LOVE a gourmet kitchen to cook in

6. I love James Patterson books

7. I love Key Lime Pie

8. My favorite color is red, and green comes in a close second (but not red and green together)

9. I have an obsession with the idea of being organized. I am not that organized myself, but I try to be... I have a planner, lots of storage containers, etc.

10. To go along with #8, I love buying new office supplies. Nothing is better than a brand new package of pens, pencils, or post-its :)

11. I love Pei Wei and I wish we had one in Mesquite.

12. My favorite kind of pizza is buffalo chicken.

13. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, although I hardly ever eat it in the morning.

14. When Casey and I decide to have a second baby, I am hoping for a little girl that I can name Addison or Peyton. If we have another boy, that would be great too, but I am at a loss for what I'd name him.

15. At some point in my lifetime, I want to visit the Greek islands of Santorini.

That's ME! Stay tuned for more of this 30-day challenge!

30-day blogging challenge

So I am stealing a friend's idea and hopping on the 30-day bandwagon. I too, have been in a blogging rut and haven't really found much to say that I haven't already. SO, I thought this might give me some interesting things to share!

Day 0: The 30 Day Challenge Explanation and Description
Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts
Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3: Your first love
Day 4: Your parents
Day 5: A song to match your mood
Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7: Favorite movies
Day 8: A place you've traveled to
Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend
Day 10: Something you're afraid of
Day 11: Favorite tv shows
Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without
Day 13: Goals
Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?
Day 15: Bible verse
Day 16: Dream house
Day 17: Something you're looking forward to
Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat
Day 19: Something you miss
Day 20: Nicknames
Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
Day 22: What's in your purse?
Day 23: Favorite Movie
Day 24: Something you've learned
Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26: Your Dream Wedding
Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in
Day 28: Something that stresses you out
Day 29: 3 Wishes
Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge

Day 1 coming tomorrow!! Let's see if I can actually stick to this!

Happy New Year!!

I can't believe how fast this past year went by! I know that I have always been told that once you have kids, time literally FLIES by... and now I completely understand. Last year, I was still trying to get rid of my baby belly (who am I kidding... I still am!) and I was carrying around a newborn baby boy that had just graced us with his presence. This year, I was chasing around a one-year old little boy who is still the absolute light of my life! We have had a whirlwind year in my household and I promise to update tomorrow or the next day with lots of pictures!

Until then, best wishes to you all for 2011! I am incredibly blessed to have such an amazing family and group of friends to spend this next year with. May God bless you infinitely in the days to come!

Day 5 - A week of thanks...

Short and sweet today folks... It's something that needs no real explanation.

I am thankful for God and everything that he has done for me. He made the ultimate sacrifice so many years ago, just for ME.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

How awesome is that? He is the reason that we have a day to celebrate giving thanks!

Day 4 - A week of thanks...

Today is dedicated to my sister... I can't say that we were always the closest growing up... I can't even say that we were nice to each other growing up... BUT we definitely loved each other and now I can safely say that she is one of my very best friends.

She is unique... and brings out in the CRAZY in me!

She is a shoulder to lean on.

She has an AH-MAZE-ING voice and surprisingly made it all the way through her song at my wedding without crying!

She is caring.

She loves her family... and is never afraid to show it.

She is a great Aunt ZZ to my sweet angel.

She is strong.

She is BEAUTIFUL.

She is MY sister.

Day 3 - A week of thanks...

My marriage is unlike most... in a good way... actually, in a great way. I have had the privilege of knowing my in-laws my entire life (pretty much anyway). Growing up, I had a best friend named Brittany and we were inseparable. I was constantly spending the night at her house and vice versa. Even as we went through middle school and high school, we remained friends... Our families were even so close that we all went on vacations together every summer. They still do to this day... I believe Hawaii is next... ridiculous right? :) Well Brittany has an older brother, Casey, who I was pretty close to growing up, but when I graduated high school and went to college, I lost touch with many of my childhood friends. Upon completing college, I ended up meeting up Casey for dinner just to catch up and chat. The rest is history because a year later, we were planning a wedding. All that to say, I am thankful for my in-laws. How many people can really say that they LOVE living close to their in-laws? I mean, don't get me wrong, my life is not an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond... my in-laws completely respect our personal space and bounderies, which makes me a happy lady. I honestly don't know what I would do without them... Every third day, when Casey has to go to work, my MIL comes to my house, picks up my son, and takes him to her mom's house for the day. On top of that, she or my FIL will go and pick him up for me on their way home. When Casey and I both got sick, they came to the rescue and took Colton to Chuck'E'Cheese just so that we could sleep the sickness off without interruptions. These are just a small sampling of the many things they help us with, but I am forever grateful for their willingness to help in any way. I always said that I would never marry a guy who had a family that I didn't feel I belonged to. I definitely hit the jackpot and I am one very, VERY blessed momma!

Thank you God for my extended family!

Day 2 - A week of thanks

It used to be just me... then my sister came along... then I decided to get married... and then I had baby...

I wouldn't have gotten where I am today without my parents and they are Day 2 in my week of thanks blog!

I love that they raised two daughters and taught us important lessons like how to decide as a family where to go eat after church (it was ALWAYS Taco Bell, thanks Kenz), or how to decide which family member to pick on at Christmas, if Dr. Pepper is better than Wild Cherry Pepsi, or even when Dad told you no, just to go ask Mom! I'm kidding (kind of) but seriously, they taught us both so many important lessons, it's hard to name them all. Here are a few that have definitely stuck with me:

Love unconditionally and don't be afraid to dance like no one is watching (even when lots of people are!)

The J.O.Y you have in your heart will show by the smile on your face.

Never let go of the people that you care about and that care about you. They will be the ones who stick with you through thick and thin.

Use your God-given talents... or they will be taken away!

Never, EVER be afraid to show affection!

Thank you for giving me a life-long picture of what it looks like to be a good parent.
Thank you Mom and Dad for loving my baby like you still love me.

I am SO thankful for my parents.

Day 1 - A week of thanks...

I know it's cliche, but in honor of Thanksgiving this Thursday, I am going to share something I am thankful for each day. (These are in no particular order of course)

Day 1:

I am thankful for a healthy baby boy. A little over a year ago, I was riding to the hospital with my husband at 5 AM, hoping that that day I would finally get to meet my special little boy. After laboring for over 15 hours, they wheeled me in for a c-section. This is not what I wanted, but it was what had to be done. My baby was basically lodged in between my hip bones and he wasn't budging!

An hour later, I met the sweetest little chubby face that I have ever seen, and instantly fell in love. As I stared into those perfect brown eyes, I knew that e

verything worked out just the way God had planned it all along.

As I think back on that day and remember this face:

and then now at the present time:

So, I am thankful for this amazing gift that I call my son. Even though everything didn't go as I had planned it, it still went like God had planned it.

Colton, mommy is thankful for you, sweet boy!

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

It could have been worse...

I could have gotten sick on a B day (when I have a 4th period, forcing me to stay and teach)...

I could have eaten a much heavier dinner the night before...

I could have had a volleyball game to be at...

I could have had to scramble for a last-minute babysitter for Colton...

I could have been home alone since it was technically Casey's day on shift...

It could have been worse...

It only sucked a little... my first Friday night off was spent either in bed, on the couch, or leaning over a toilet. My little one has apparently decided that sharing his not-so-little stomach virus with the entire family is a good idea. Not so much little man... But like I said, it could've been a lot worse! I just happened to get sick on a day where I only teach one class and I don't have volleyball anymore so I was able to skip out a little early from work. I also have an AMAZING family who help me at the drop of the hat, no questions asked. And as I mentioned before I could have been home alone, but since sharing is caring, Casey got sick last night and had to call in this morning. Nothing like spending some quality time with your husband when you are both in sick-mode. None-the-less, I got to spend some time with him that I didn't count on, and for me, every minute I get is precious.

Even in the stormiest weather... I do remember how blessed I really am... because it DEFINITELY could have been worse!

PS. Congrats to the Pirate Football team for beating Hachie tonight!

Wordless Wednesday

My Little Sugar(sista) Bear...

So I'm just going to throw this out there from the beginning... upon reading this blog, like I know she will (because she facebook and blogger stalks me), I know my sister is going to cry.... and my dad might too (because he likes reading my blog randomly too). I know this because she is not good with goodbyes... See, my parents were pretty spolied when I went to college because - even though I actually moved out and never moved back in (not for the summer... nothing), I only went about 30-40 minutes away to Dallas Baptist University and could run home whenever I wanted to! Then when I graduated from college and eventually got married, I moved to a house that is about 10 minutes away... crazy?? Heck no... I have a 10 month old (shout out to Colton who is TEN MONTHS OLD TODAY!!) and that means instant help with a simple phone call if I ever need it!! Anyway, thats beside the point because this post is dedicated to my sista-bear... She left for her second year of college on Saturday and since I was at a tournament all weekend, me and Colton spent the night at my parents on Thursday to get in some quality family time. Anyway, at the end of the night the silly girl sat on the couch holding my little sleeping angel and balled her eyes out... Who's the sensitive one?? yeah... definitely HER! Anyway, I want to give my sister a lot of credit... she leaves her entire family for about 8-9 months out of the year and goes to school, takes care of business, and returns to us in the summer more beautiful and more grown up than the last time she left. I thought it would be a little easier for her to leave the second time around because she wasn't worried about missing the birth of her nephew this time... but it wasn't easier. Goodbyes are never easy... So sister - just know this: We are so proud of you! We cannot wait to skype you and hopefully Colton will be talking soon so that he can say hello to his favorite ZZ. Remember, you were here for some of the most important things in his life and I know you will get to see so much more in the future... he started WALKING while you were here for crying out loud! Most importantly though... we love you and we cannot wait to see you again!

So -- here's to you Sista-Sugarbear! Have a FANTASTIC sophomore year! We miss you already!

Here is what happened LAST time she left for school... She had to turn around and come back! :)

It's not my first rodeo...

...BUT it is Colton's!

Thanks to Nana, G-Paw, and Aunt ZZ for taking little man to the rodeo, while mom got to have dinner with Marli May! I know he had a blast... :)